In The Wrong Place at the Wrong Time

I am utterly sickening. Sickening sickening sickening.

God, I want someone. And I don't want someone who's just there...who's adequate...who fails to make my heart skip a beat and make me wonder if I'm dreaming. I want someone on my wavelength.

I want someone who's a constant...no matter what kind of crap I've gone through, it doesn't seem near as bad when I'm with him. Someone who relies on my opinion and vice versa. Someone who can give himself to me completely, with no secrets or lies or false pretenses. Someone who'll fit together with me perfectly like a puzzle. Someone who I can be stupid with and moreover, someone who's my brand of stupid.

And I have found him. Unfortunately.....never gonna happen. Not in one million years. Unless circumstances would drastically change.

Hehe...

No, I've never seen Narnia (the new version...I saw the nineties one, though), but this made me laugh...
Awfully tragic for Prince Caspian, is it not?

(Found on PhotoShop Disasters...go check it out, it's wildly amusing. I wish I could PhotoShop.)

Wants, Examples, And The Conundrums Thereof.

You know what I want, more than anything in the world? I want someone to freely fall head-over-heels for me. I don't want sick, clingy crap, but I want someone who would honestly be devastated if I flew off the face of this earth. Someone who will tell me everything and anything and be my continuous partner in crime.

Let's take our good friends Dane and June. They are one hundred percent perfect for each other and not stupid about it. They have this effortless love.

They are fabulous.

They are extremely lucky.

All I want~and I don't think it's a huge request~is for somebody who'll always be there for me. I'm sick of relying on people who have other people who are more important in their lives. And that's what kills me the most. Short of the one who played a part in giving me life, I cannot think of one guy that would count me in on his Top Five priority list.

Well...okay, there's maybe one. Nate. But he has made it abundantly clear that he'd rather bash his piano in with a sledgehammer than affix a significant other to himself, so there's that.

June, June, June. I would kill/maim/burn my shoe collection to have what you've got going.

Television Without Pity Rocks My LIFE.

Yugh. I have to get up in six hours (seriously--my alarm's ringing at 6:30, people!--church waits for no girl!), but this bit of very-unchurchiness had to be shared. It's from Television Without Pity's review of the Charmed episode "Lucky Charmed," and...well, just read:

♪♫♪♫♪♫♪

He yanks one of his nuggets from his trousers, and I'm sorry, but that looks just as filthy on the screen as it reads on the page. What in God's name were they thinking when they came up with this shit? Huh? Anyone? Please? Jesus Christ on a stick. Anyway, Jimmy makes with the "sláinte is táinte " nonsense, his magical trouser nugget streams through the air to Piper's head in a golden arc, that's even filthier than the last goddamned thing I typed, and the doorbell rings.

♪♫♪♫♪♫♪

And tomorrow I shall repent. And think about this during Communion and be a terrible Lutheran.

*sigh*

You know, it's rather funny. Twelve hours ago I was basically complex-free. I was happy, I was sane, I was utterly okay with myself. Sure, I'm not the Most Fabulous Person in the world, but I'm pretty well off. I have talent, I have friends, I have a personality.

That all changed the moment I saw Layla's pictures.

Layla is, in a nutshell, who I want to be. She's a wonderful actress (and has the award to prove it), a size six (at the most), and a member of Distinction Choir. And she's also a traveler to the East Coast, as I recently learned. Worst part is, she's my year in school. And the real worst part is, we're friends. Not extremely close, thrown together through theatre and the Dane thereof, but friends nonetheless.

Why the hell does everyone get to go someplace in the summer but me???

The Babblings of a Hungry Writer

This is a bit of an update for you fanfiction people out there that may lurk about: at the moment, I am sitting down to type whatever chapter I'm currently on of More Than She Bargained For. The revisions I've done on it are rather strange, actually. This will be the third. When I wrote the second, I thought that it was perfect and would work out wonderfully for Eddi and Cole, but now I think it's too fast.

Don't have a clue what I'm talking about?

You will. ;)

The Object Of My...Everything

It's a cross between amusing and embarassing to look back on the things we've done in front of someone we'll later grow to be in love with. I've been looking back at some of the absolutely idiotic-slash-immature things I've done over the past two years in front of The Object Of My Affections (TOOMA, which is a handy acronym....I came up with another good one yesterday, dangit!....now what was it?........oh, screw it...it could've been a perfect sitcom code but it now flew out the window). Wouldn't you love it if life had a remote control? I would do-over about twelve things. Or smack my younger self. I'm telling you, she really deserved it.

And yes, he's labeled The Object Of My Affections, plural, because that's what he is. He gets adoration about seventy percent (almost typed "perfect"...how Freudian can you get?) of the time, with the other thirty encompassing rage, annoyance, and sadness.

There's a big story with this, but I'm not gonna even go there, as it would take an hour to type out. Let's just say I think of him a lot more than he thinks of me.

She's A Strange One, Charlie Brown

You know, I can't help but wonder what'll happen with all of this "becoming one of them" jazz. Will I be totally different? Will other people view me as totally different? Or will I even change at all? Just because I have a new acronym doesn't mean that my personality will undergo a total one-eighty. (Even though I have made numerous jokes about "getting a chip implanted in your brain" as to their uncanny knowledge of other people's activities.)

And I definately want to know if this will involve my romantic life. At All. Because, for the past two years, I've been looked at as kind of an oddity~the theatre girl, the band geek with lotsa shoes, the fashion whackjob. I want to know if my transformation will open a few people's eyes to say, "Huh. I wonder if she'd like to go see a movie Friday night...after the band's done playing at the football game, that is." Although, in an ideal world, the guy would be in the pep band himself so there would be no real problem there.

Who knows what'll happen?

I wish I did.

Now...off to Television Without Pity, to enjoy the write-ups of Charmed episodes. They're terrible, they're mean, they're rude, but they're hilariously funny. Long live Cole!

Music, Music, Everywhere, But No Clue What To Sing

(Ay-yi-yi. Stupid technology.)

School has snuck up on me, and the Distinction Choir auditions thereof. I have no clue what I'm going to sing for my solo. I could do something I've done for contest, but those are old. I've had months to work on those and they've already been rated. I want to expand myself. I suppose I could sing a hymn, but that says "Hello, I can sing pretty with the melody playing with me, see?" Or I could do something from a musical, but then that would eat up my choices in the event we'd ever do a musical. (That remains to be seen.) Those would be.

♫ "I Don't Know How To Love Him" from Jesus Christ Superstar (perfect for my enviornment!)
♫ "On My Own" from Les Miserables
♫ "Memory" from CATS
♫ "I'm Not That Girl" from Wicked

I suppose I could pull out one of those. It's not as if we're gonna do four musicals in my last two years.

Let's see if this version gets posted.

How Can I Miss You If You Don't Go Away?

My father is driving me nuts. Ever since I moved into town, he's been unbearably suffocating. Yes, I get that he misses me. Yes, I get that his job doesn't require a lot of heavy-duty thinking (hello, it's driving for hours at a time...that's about it). And yes, I get that I'm his only child. But honestly! Give it a rest already!

I'm grateful to have him. I really am. But he's grating on my last nerve here, people.

There's really no way to describe his personality, except for that he's the antithesis of Christian Troy. (stunningly handsome, playboy to a T, does what he wants whenever he wants to).

Oy.

Angle of Music...

Oh, I so have a new favorite song: "Angels" (haha, typed "angles") by Within Temptation. I was YouTubing Charmed videos and happened upon it. It's so my kind of music~~nice little choral part, wonderful female singer, and just utterly amazing. There's passion. I love it. (It kinda reminds me of Cole and Phoebe in the aforementioned charming show....when he was the Source? ...stupid writers).

As for this morning, I wore my teal peasant dress. And it was fabulous. ♥

...why do I have a Hilary Duff song stuck in my head?

Just a quick update before I try to get my flippin' hair to curl...or at least not look totally idiotic...

What's done is done. I have officially left my branch of Lutheranism, much to the distaste of my pastor, who (fun fact) happens to be a Methodist. That's a really long story that doesn't have time to be typed before I head off to church with my people.

And speaking of--I'm debating whether I should wear my teal peasant dress thing (from Target) or my black bubble skirt dress with a turtleneck underneath it (from Herberger's/Maurice's). I've not been outside today and I'm not gonna traipse through the apartment looking like I do now so I can gauge the temperature and humidity.

Ooh. The Weather Channel has a website.

Ciao!

Won't somebody please have a heart? Come and rescue me now...

So this just deleted what I'd typed. Oh well. Here we go.

This is so freaking complicated. It's too freaking complicated. (Refer to my babblings about Distinction Choir and the post "Step One" for more info. What if I'm doing this for the wrong reason?

...........listen to ABBA's "Under Attack." The chorus is me right now.

Step One

I've done it. I can scarcely believe that I've done it but I've done it.

My request to remove membership from my church is in the mail. I feel like it's gonna get nasty before it gets nicer, but it was something I had to do.

Cross your fingers.

P.S. I can do ♥HTML♥ now!

○See?