It is so hard to keep him from popping into my thoughts. The first time he kissed her....when he proposed.....the first time he told her that he loved her. (That one hurts.) I just....I wish I could see that side of him. The non-sarcastic side. For once, I want the sweet and loving and intimate man that's hiding underneath.
These are sweet moments that only they share. I get that. I just want someone of my own to build that kind of structure with--made of inside jokes and shared memories and utter love for one another.
I am so sick of dealing with this, it's not even funny. I just want someone. But I don't want to settle. It's a conundrum.
But you know, it's not like there are people beating down my door. I'm a little too left of center, a little too unconventional, and a little too closed-off. It reminds me of one of my mother's friends from college. She was musically talented, friendly, personable--but she's never found that one person to share her life with. What if that happens to me?
It could. Truthfully. Because no one can measure up to him. The standard is way too high. Even if someone was madly in love with me, they would have no chance. Because whenever I'm with someone else, I see him.
Yuck.
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